So, you’re here to figure out how to get a girlfriend. You’ve looked at other couples and wondered how in the hell he ended up with her? There are examples of guys punching above their weight everywhere you look. Neanderthals who couldn’t possibly have picked up a woman based on their looks alone. Which should provide some encouragement; If other knuckle-draggers can do it, you can too! But trying to figure out how to get a girlfriend can be a depressing endeavor. Constantly seeing some guys get girl after girl when you’re struggling to get so much as a stink eye is rough. Believe me, you’re not the first guy to spend more time banging his head against a wall in frustration over trying to pick up women than, well .. banging!
It might come as a shock to you to hear this; Earning the attention of your dream girl is not as difficult as you think. OK, maybe not always your dream girl – most of them are banging Z-list celebrities, gang members and Leonardo DiCaprio – but someone you’ll be happy to dip the company ink into.
How to Get A Girlfriend
Here’s the not so big secret. Looks aren’t the primary consideration when it comes to whom women choose to give their time and attention to. I’ll say it again. Looks are not everything. And while we’re at it, neither are big dicks. Remember nobody goes into a dating situation with his dick hanging out. By the time she’s fumbling for your junk, she’s already made the decision she’s going all in whether you’re packing a python or a pinky finger. That’s not to say you’re not terrific looking with a dong that swings like a pendulum. But, physical features can be way down the list for some quality women when it comes to picking a mate. Case in point; David Spade (Joe Dirt). At 5”5 and hardly a winner in the genetic lottery, David Spade may have slept with more quality women than any other man in Hollywood.
He’s not buff, he’s not tall, he’s not exactly Chris Pine. What David Spade has in spades in personality, personal style and game. Oh and fucking MILLIONS of dollars. Money helps, but first let’s get the game!
Nail down the following super tips and you will see first hand that getting a girlfriend is a simple/ish science. This is practical advice that you can begin to implement now. Your ability to score (and keep!) the attention of women is right around the corner.
Women can recognize confidence in a man whether he’s competing in a sport, playing a game of chess, or simply walking into a room. All feminist talk aside, deep down on a primal level all women want to feel safe with a man and your own self confidence is key to making women feel safe around you. When a man demonstrates a lack of confidence, it’s a major turnoff to any woman. That said, whatever you do, if you can’t look confident doing it, get better at it until you can.
Women will seek out men who have a true sense of self. When you’re trying to work out how to get a girlfriend remember women want a man who has a mind of his own and doesn’t appear desperate to have her. A lot of guys who at least on the surface should have no trouble picking up women have no aura of self confidence. Their entire sense of self-worth is attached to whether or not their current female fixation likes them back. These men go around being down or moody, expecting the object of their affection will see how sensitive and ‘nice’ they are, take pity and fall madly in love.
Newsflash; women are completely turned off by overly sensitive boys who treat relationships like a teen romance novel where the tortured ‘nice guy’ always gets the girl. What happens in real life when these drama queens don’t get the girl? They blame it on women who say they want a nice guy but choose the bad boy instead. With the implication that they are the hard done by nice guy of course.
Women don’t choose bad boys. When she tells you she wants a nice guy, she means a guy who doesn’t use mind games and emotional blackmail to secure her affection. Girls do like nice guys. Nice guys with balls. Nice guys who are confident enough to have their own sense of self worth. How do you achieve this? Here are a few simple ways to show her that you are a confident person:
Whether you have been single for 10 minutes, or for your entire life, a woman will always pick up on your level of independence. You will win her attention only if you can confidently display that you are completely capable of taking care of yourself and managing your life successfully without a girlfriend. Show her that you see her as a compliment to your already kick-ass life and dial down the relationship thirst, my friend.
Being independent and show her that you already have a fulfilling life on your own is an attractive quality. You don’t ‘need’ a girlfriend. But you’ll have one if she’s a good fit. It’s a cliché, but you really do need to be happy on your own to not reek of desperation to be connected to someone else. Confident men are happy spending time with themselves.
Avoid “needing” her. A clingy attitude is a big turn off. (see independence) Having your own life, friends and passions allows her room to breathe and gives her a chance to have to work in with you. Eg ‘chase’ you. If you’re always available, she’ll know you’ve got nothing going on. Tell her ‘Hey I’m free next Saturday if you want to catch up for dinner, if not we can catch up some other time’. NOT ‘Hey when do you wanna catch up – I’m free whenever’. Desperate!
Women might like to play dumb. But when it comes to relationships they are masters of reading between the lines and when you are overeager or constantly asking for her time this tells her you have no other plans or interests. In short you are uninteresting and of low social value.
What would you find more value in:
a) A woman who was always asking what you were doing because she had nothing else to do? OR
b) A women who was socially desirable yet chose to spend time with you?
Avoid saying “I don’t know” or “Whatever you want” when making plans. Be confident about where you’re going and what you’re doing. Women love to feel like their ideas and opinions are valued just like you. At the same time they love being taken care of. Indecision on your part leaves her having to make all the decisions, which can lead to frustration. Real men make plans, they turn up on time and follow through. Real men are also flexible. If she suggests another way, or another place – be playful; ‘ok – I’m open to that but only if you buy me a drink when we get there’. Girls love guys who push back in a playful way.
So be playful! This is what girls like about the type of guys who are often labelled cocky or arrogant. They’re playful. Playfulness is a type of flirting. Being overly serious and constant second-guessing is no fun. If things aren’t going the way you planned, roll with it! Don’t be grumpy. Grumpy boys get no ‘V’.
The other type of plans women value are your life plans. If a woman asks you “What are your career goals / dreams?”, have some! No matter how far-fetched or fanciful they might seem. Being confident and passionate about your dreams tells her you aren’t willing to settle. Confident men don’t settle. They push themselves to achieve.
For fucks sake have enough of a backbone to have an opinion about something. Talk about things you’re interested in without apologizing if they’re not the same things she’s interested in. Passion is infectious.
There’s nothing more pathetic than a male who backs down and agrees with everything a woman says just to please her. Often women will be subtly testing to see if you have any balls or not. Display a distinct lack of sack and you’ll get pushed firmly into the friend zone. If you happen to disagree with her, that’s perfectly reasonable. It’s the way you disagree that will determine whether she lets you into her pussy palace, or locks you out. Most good women want to be challenged; not argued with. Challenged. Once again your playfulness will show how confident you are. Casually tell her you’re happy to be proven wrong, but if you’re right – she owes you a kiss. Or tell her she’s obviously smarter than you, but this time you think you’re right. Being able to stick to your guns without getting upset or petulant will show her you are confident and not a ‘pleaser’ or an asshole.
When dating she wants to know you have a spine. She knows there will be plenty of time once you’re in a relationship for her to crush that spine of yours.
It’s important when learning how to get a girlfriend that you don’t give a woman the impression that you’re afraid to take a risk or are afraid of conflict. Avoiding risk or conflict can make you look weak. Not physically but mentally. Remember that with risk comes reward, and you can’t win if you don’t fight every now and then. Women need to know that you aren’t afraid to step outside of your comfort zone to win their attention. Risk takers show that they are confident enough to do new and exciting things. Believe it or not women love excitement that doesn’t involve their vaginas.
AVOID LOOKING NERVOUS OR HESITANT
Women can spot hesitation and indecision a mile away, and it’s a major turnoff. When you hesitate, you end up looking nervous and unsure of yourself. Definitely not confident. Your best bet is to know what you want and don’t be afraid to do what it takes to get it. Learn the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness, the body language of each, and stick with the former.
There is a fine line between not enough eye contact (lack of confidence) and too much (creepiness). Making eye contact can be difficult for people with low confidence. If you don’t make any meaningful eye contact she will pick up on this quickly. You need to make sure you meet her eyes often and with a smile. Don’t always be the first to break eye contact. If you feel you are staring at them move to other facial features such as their lips, their cheeks, their nose and then back to the eyes. Looking someone in the eye shows you are engaged and interested in what they’re saying. You can tell a lot by someone’s eye’s if there is a connection or boredom. Learn to read those signs! If you need to, practice talking to a picture or poster of a woman and look it in the eyes. You shouldn’t have to think about how often you are looking someone in the eye during real conversation, so practice first.
ASSUME SHE LIKES YOU
Go into it assuming that she does like you and don’t spend all your time worrying about getting her approval. If you’re confident enough to assume people will like you and don’t get hung up on the ones that don’t you’ll appear to be much more confident. Constantly worrying about whether people like you undermines your confidence. If someone doesn’t like you, you’re only wasting time with them anyway. Move on to someone who does! The faster you learn to stop wasting time with those who aren’t interested, the sooner you’ll find the ones who are.
NEVER FEAR REJECTION
You’re going to get rejected. Even the world’s most desirable men have experienced rejection at some point. The difference between a non-confident male and a confident one is how you deal with it. Don’t act like a sulky jackass if she tells you she doesn’t feel the same way or isn’t sure. Sulky guys (bitches) are a huge turnoff! Move on quickly and happily and you’ll prove you are a confident male. Not everyone clicks, but would you rather she tells her other single friends what an asshole you were after she rejected you, or just that you didn’t click but you took it well? Word spreads quickly when you act like an ass.
Have text message courtesy.
Texting and phone etiquette can be a minefield. If you’ve managed to secure a girls number you’re halfway there. Now don’t fuck it up by playing text games. You might feel like she’s playing games with you – and maybe she is – but she won’t be expecting games in return. She wants to you be a man! She wants you to continue to display confidence, not desperation. So take note of the following tips:
- Keep your text messages appropriate and timely. Avoid texting incessantly. But also don’t play games and make her wait hours for a response if she asks you a question.
- Don’t feel the need to keep asking questions to try and keep the conversation going. She will start to wonder when it will end. You don’t always have to have the last word. Instead – if you feel the conversation coming to an end, say ‘hey – I’ve gotta run for now but we should catch up soon. Talk later J’. Sounding busy can increase the value of your time. You want to be valuable, not annoying.
- Do not ask for a nude pic. And, for god’s sake, do not send an unsolicited dick pic. Think about it. The first time a woman sees your dick shouldn’t be on a tiny phone screen should it? If you’ve already slept together it’s a totally different ball game, but we’re assuming you’re still trying to get the girl. Even if she asks for a picture of your dick, don’t play that card too early. A penis picture generally gives the impression that you’re sitting around your house thinking about sticking your ‘D’ in her ‘V’. While that might get your juices flowing, it’s probably not going to do the same for her.
Women don’t like to have to guess what you’re thinking, but more importantly, they hate it when they have to overtly state whatever they’re thinking. Being a great communicator is more than just having a way with words, it means learning how to read her in every way, from her mood to her body language. When you fail to show an interest in what she has to say or how she feels you lose her attention.
If she tells you something that seems important, remember it. Get yourself a damn notepad if you must. Women do not like repeating themselves so be an avid listener. Be sure the keep the conversation mature and thoughtful. For example: If she tells you that she has a sister then try to defy all male temptation and do not reply with “Is she hot?” or “Is she single?” Ask her “Are you close with your sister?” or “What is your favorite childhood memory with your sister?” Quality questions are really important because she will not be able to resist talking about herself to you.
Believe it or not, girls like to talk about themselves. A lot. The more she tells you about herself the more interested she is becoming. If she asks you a question, by all means answer it in an interesting and playful way. But always come back to her. At the end of the evening she will feel like you were a great conversationalist, even though she was the one doing all the talking.
Make sure you have interesting stories to tell too. Your stories should have a point to them. They should also show that you have an interesting life. If you sit in front of the TV and play games all night and weekends she’s probably not going to fall over herself to be a part of it. Tell her about the cool things you do outside of work and gaming. And if you don’t have anything, tell her what you’d love to do instead, for example: “I’ve been reading a bunch about this island in Fiji – I’m planning on going there sometime in the next year”. Make your life sound like something she needs to be a part of, without making it sound like you’re depending on her to come in and rescue you from your terrifyingly boring basement dwelling existence.
Know your target audience.
Many men end up colliding head first with rejection because they are simply not targeting the attention of women whom they are compatible with. Example: You are a beard-toting, mountain climbing, plaid wearing lumberjack son-of-a-bitch who only chases after women who wear expensive designer labels and trade in handbag dogs. You are likely going to have a low success rate.
When trying to win a woman over, first work out what are the qualities that you are looking for in a girlfriend. Do you want someone who will pack up the tent and go to the mountains with you on the weekend? Then that’s your best place to start! Mountain sex is awesome.
Join a local hiking group or change your online dating profile to reflect your new target mate. Don’t try and change yourself to suit someone who isn’t compatible with your life. You’ll just end up miserable. If you like Star Wars and sitting around in your underwear eating Cheetos, find someone who likes to do the same things. Sure you’re probably looking at the XXL market but at least being into the same things will increase your chances of a long term hookup.
Once you know what you want, you can start to think about the types of places – publicly or online – where you might meet. Having no idea what type of women a guy might be looking for is the fastest way to fail before you’ve even started. Most guys make the mistake of looking for anyone at all rather than someone suitable. They waste time chasing after girls with no idea who or what they’re looking for.
TIP: Women appreciate men who know what they are looking for.
Modern day chivalry is a tricky thing, but being able to show a woman you can be a prince charming without babying her is still a valued quality. You know your potential girl is independent, highly capable, and able to fend for herself. So; where is the opportunity for you to jump in and be her knight in shining armor? Here are a few contemporary tips to show your potential mate that chivalry is alive and well:
- Hold the door open for her. This gesture will never go out of style.
- Compliment her on her brain. Rather than focusing on her looks, tell her how attracted you are to her smarts. Even – actually especially – if she’s as dumb as a bag of bricks. Women love to feel smart because they get talked down to so often.
- Call when you say you will. As insignificant as it may seem, she will be testing to see if you are a man of your word.
- Turn up on time. See above! The small things really do mean the most to the majority of women.
- Make sure she got home okay. If you went for dinner and she met you there, make sure you call or text to ensure she landed home safely. This shows you as a protector also. As independent as women are today, they still love to feel like someone is watching out for them.
Like attracts like.
According to the Law of Attraction, “Like attracts like.” This means that when you are your positive self, you will attract a like-minded woman. Nobody wants a cranky girlfriend who complains all the time – that comes later – so you had better check any negativity at the door or that’s exactly what you will attract.
If you’re not a positive person right now, fake it! Faking positivity is the same thing as practicing to be positive and you should always practice what you want to be. Michael Jordan didn’t get great at dunking by sitting on his ass. Positivity is an attractive trait for either sex. You don’t always have to be the life of the party, but at least try not to be the one who kills the mood. Most people want to be around somebody who appears to be able to improve their lives by proximity. Nobody seeks out negative, brooding partners.
This is also why many guys who act like sad sacks end up attracting every equally miserable sweaty beast within their sphere but the smiling angel they’d intended to.
A great smile is also a very powerful thing. Chances are, it’s the first thing she will notice about you. Not a nervous ‘oh boy here come’s some pussy’ smile. A genuine ‘I’m happy to see you’ that makes her feel relaxed and comfortable.
Take care of your appearance.
You don’t need to be Chris Hemsworth in order to get a girlfriend. Nobody but Chris Hemsworth looks that good. But you do need to take care of yourself. This includes impeccable grooming, clean clothing, trimmed nails and fresh breath. You could look like a greek god. It doesn’t matter. No woman will ever date you if you’ve got breath like a public toilet or your hygiene is nasty. If you can’t remember the last time you hit up your dentist…go. If you want your future girlfriend to be a raging beauty and not a sweaty lump then you need to put an equal if not greater effort into you appearance.
Things to remember:
- Brush your teeth and visit a dental hygienist. Before a date, run your brush lightly over your lips to get rid of dead skin. Use lip balm if necessary.
- Use good skincare. Get a good men’s night cream and a good day moisturizer. Girls pay attention to things like skin.
- Get a haircut that make you look like you give a shit! Ask a hairdresser or barber to give you a clean style that matches you face shape.
- You don’t have to look like the Rock. But try not to look like a bean bag either.
- Pluck unwanted hair. Nose hair, ear hair, unruly eyebrows etc. Keep an eye on your body for the kind of stuff that might freak your potential mate out.
- Trim your nails! Filthy fingernails might give her the impression you either work hard – which is a positive – or you’re just dirty. Either way those fingers won’t be going anywhere interesting until they are dirt free!
- Trim your pubes! If you do manage to get a girl to spend some time with your pecker, she shouldn’t have to hack her way through a forest of hair to find it!
- Practice good posture. Standing straight projects confidence!
- Improve your wardrobe. Make sure you have at least a couple of outfits that fit well – see a tailor if you need to take your clothing in. Badly fitted clothing makes you look sloppy and boyish. At the same time, too-tight clothing can be off-putting too. You might think your guns look great in your skin tight tee, but over-tight clothing projects femininity. You should look like a man!
Invest in some fitted jeans. Baggy jeans make you look like you’ve shit yourself. Jeans plus a plain fitted shirt and great shoes is a look that never goes out of style. Shoes are possibly the most important. Girls fucking LOVE shoes. They notice yours too. Leave the sneakers at home and get a pair of classic, well heeled shoes or boots.
- Don’t wear white socks! White socks are for nerds and bed-wetters.
- Smell good! All the time. Smell is a powerful attractant. Make sure you wash yourself properly, deodorize and invest in a high quality fragrance. You want her to want to keep your smell around, not have to hold her nose. Every wondered why hot girls wear their boyfriends shirts around the house? They smell like their boyfriends. Who smell good! You won’t find her wearing his piss stained drawers.
Appearance goes for your pimp pad as well. Have a clean home, a well-stocked fridge and clean sheets. Especially clean sheets. If you do manage to get her home and your bed sheets are basically a giant cum rag – odds on she won’t be back!
Put your phone away.
Cell phones are great when you are trying to communicate with her but when she’s in front of you, it’s best to put your cell away. A friend of mine once told me that her boyfriend (now husband) would always leave his cell phone in his truck during their dates. When she asked him why he did that, his reply was, “I am already with the person I want to talk to.” Slow clap for Jim. Jim might be corny. But Jim get’s laid.
Don’t be brooding.
Sure, girls might love a brooding bad boy in the movies, but in reality if you act like a sullen jackass around her or spend all your time pining and looking miserable when you’re not getting your way she will treat you exactly as you’re behaving; Like a drag. Be positive and respectful. If she’s not into you, brooding will not help. In some rare cases though, being a positive guy with a lot going on will help a girl who maybe wasn’t that into you to see how much fun having someone with your great attitude in her life could be.
Be a MAN.
Treating women as equals is sexy. So is being a man. You can treat a woman as an equal and still maintain an air of ruggedness. That doesn’t mean growing an 8” beard. Just try to hold back the tears when you stub your toe!
This is a big one. If she rejects you the first time (which she likely will) your reaction will make or break the entire interaction. The worst experience any woman can recall will always include that time that he acted like a child when he didn’t get the reply he wanted. Here is a common example:
You texted her at 8AM to wish her a good morning. It’s now 11AM and she has not yet replied. Do not fret! In reality, you likely texted her while she was blowdrying her hair or driving her capable self to work. She got to the office and was inundated with a million tasks. It’s nearly lunch time and she hasn’t even finished her first coffee of the day let alone had time to check her phone. You aren’t her first priority and that is okay. Do not double text. And certainly do not send, “Well, I guess you don’t want to talk to me anymore. Sorry to have bothered you.” (insert sad-face emoji here) UGH. That text = game over for you. What to do: Put your phone away and patiently wait like the self-respecting adult you are.
If it turns out she is just ignoring you, you need to move on. Never overstay your welcome. Some girls like to play text games. Don’t try and outgame them. These women are what we call ‘Assholes’. They’re full of shit and are only out for the attention. Move onto a woman who doesn’t play games.
Find some female friends.
You should always have friends of the female gender. If you don’t, then go find some immediately! It isn’t that hard to do because a lot of women are happy to take on the token male friend. You’re a safe, drama free option when they want the strength and comfortability of a man without the pain of heartbreak. Yes, I am suggesting that you purposefully friend-zone yourself with a few women. Here’s why…
The amount of insight that you will gain from hanging out with your amazing new friends is worth its weight in gold. You have the inside tip! AND, your stock has just risen exponentially. Why? Because female code will often say that if other women think that you are worth hanging around with, then it must be true. It’s science. Women also make the best wingmen!
Ambition will take you all the way. You don’t need to have all the money, a fancy car and a huge house. But, you do need to have goals. Your goal can be as simple as saving money for a trip to Thailand (that you’d love for her to join you on – because holiday sex is the best!). Whatever your goals are, be sure to let her know that you have them and that you’re working towards accomplishing them. There are few things sexier to a woman than a man with clear goals. She wants to ride your coattails, not your couch.
Be good in bed.
The female orgasm is not optional. It needs to happen before yours. You don’t need a porn star dick and super fuck skills, but you do need to show some skill and enthusiasm when it comes to making her come! Let’s say that you aren’t yet smooth enough to get a girlfriend but you have somehow convinced someone that you’re worthy of sleeping with. High five!. BUT, you now want this woman to come back for more. If you ignore her orgasm and race to blow your wad first you can bet your ass she won’t be back begging for another round. The first time you take her to bed, forget about your dick. It’s all about her! Give her a half decent time and not only will she return the favor and be back for more. She will potentially want to be your girlfriend.
Good flirting creates sexual tension and when there is sexual tension…there’s usually sex. Nobody is stopping that force. Let’s chat about the line between being a manly flirt machine and being a plain ol’ creep.
- Make eye contact, but avoid staring at her. And don’t get caught staring at her tits.
- Start with some banter. You need to learn to be good at playful conversation and teasing without going overboard and becoming crude of offensive.
Find a way to compliment her without telling her the same things she’s probably heard from a dozen other guys before. Choose something more subtle about her and tell her you think it’s cute. Maybe she has an interesting laugh or her lip curls when she smiles.
- Pay attention to small things she says. Revisit them later and she will be impressed that you remembered.
- Use humor. You don’t have to hit her with a full routine of knee-slappers! If she laughs at a few amusing observations or quips you’ll know she’s at least somewhat interested.
- Be seductive. When you’re confident she’s enjoying your company, lean in and tell her a secret or a joke in her ear. Create some physical closeness. If she doesn’t reciprocate, then go back to casual conversation. If she engages in touching in return, you can be sure it’s on!
Have a sense of humor.
Women love men with a strong and quick sense of humor. One of the primary reasons why a woman will open up to a man is because he made her laugh. We all love to laugh because it makes us feel good. When we laugh, our guard is dropped and we are more open to the emotions that come along with that. You don’t have to be a stand-up comedian, just be okay with laughing at yourself a bit. Witty banter goes a long way. Be self-deprecating without running yourself down. You can be cheeky without being offensive, and be good at teasing her without being condescending or out of line.
FINALLY … Love rejection.
Bad news: you’re going to get rejected. If you can learn to take rejection and move on you will eventually find the right girl, but act like an asshole and fixate on the girls who turn you down and you’ll go nowhere. If you remember nothing else, remember this; you won’t win a girl over who has already decided she doesn’t want to date you by continuing to pine over her. You’ll only make yourself look desperate.
Practice being confident. Forget being a moody asshole and improve your conversation skills and appearance. Nobody likes to be approached by someone who looks like they’re covered in sweat from jerking off in their basement all day.
Good luck on your quest to get a girlfriend. Remember if you really get stuck you can always try one of tugbro’s homemade sex toy tips!