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Masturbation techniques

Welcome to another ‘handful’ of masturbation techniques for enthusiastic wankers. Lock the door, grab some tissues, and let your family know not to send the cops around to check on you if nobody hears from you for a few days.

Right .. ready? Here goes …

no burgerThe Double Down – Not to be confused the the burger of the same name – although we’re sure you could find a creative way to jerk off with a burger too. But, if you really want to get hands on with your johnson, try wrapping both hands around the shaft. Fingers can be overlapping or interlocked. Be creative. And if all else fails; go get a burger.

The Reach Through – Once again ‘not to be confused’ with the similarly named ‘Reach Around’. We’re giving tips for solo endeavors here.
As the name suggests your gonna be reaching, so get flexible. Get into whatever position feels best – kneeling, lying etc. and reach your arm around and from behind and through your legs. Then grab the shaft however you can manage it since this can be a bit of a stretch. Just don’t put you’re back out. You don’t really want to have to call a friend to untangle you.

The Trigger – Use your thumb or a single finger of choice to apply some pressure and a small amount of movement on the underside of your penis at the point where your shaft meets the head. The increased sensitivity in this area means just a small amount of movement will cause maximum stimulation. Remember, just because it’s one of the most discreet grips doesn’t mean you can get away with it in public! You may end up in News Beat.

pres-beat

The Vulcan – Similar to the Scissorhands. Instead of using the space between the index and middle finger,  use the space between the middle and ring finger. Essentially you are doing the vulcan greeting, only you’re saying hello to your penis in Vulcan, over and over again. Ever wonder how the president jerks it? Stop wondering.

flute
The Flute –
You know how a flute is held, right? Well, the skin flute is no different.
Thumb and fingers down the length with only the fingertips making contact. Forget about trying to put it in your mouth and blowing, it won’t reach. And if it does, let us know what kind of tune it plays.

 

Now, go forth and play beautiful music.