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Student Masturbates Himself to Death

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The family of a Chinese medical student who ‘masturbated himself to death’ has been denied compensation from the sperm bank where he died.

The Daily Mail reports that 23-year-old Zheng Gang was a frequent depositor at the clinic, and had once made an astounding ‘four visits in ten days to donate his sperm‘.

In February, staff at the clinic busted down the door to see why – after 2 hours – he hadn’t busted his nut, only to find Mr Gang lifeless on the floor after dying of an apparent (according to his surely proud family) masturbation related heart attack.

Mr Gang’s family claim he was “pressured” into signing a contract forcing him to travel to the sperm bank, grab a nudie mag and whip out his pud to make regular donations. But a Chinese court has decided that Zheng was capable and willing to make the donation under his own free will.

It was his fourth visit in just over a week and he had reportedly been using sexy magazines to help him rub one out.

The most shocking part of this story is that anyone would consider someone jerking off 4 times in 10 days as noteworthy. A good number of visitors to this site have jerked off 4 times today – before breakfast – to pornography so vile it can’t even be printed in ‘sexy magazines’.

At least he died doing what he loved. How can we be sure? Cos every guy loves jerking it, dummy!