Guy Breaks Into Home, Plays With Toy Helicopter, Masturbates, Eats Salad!
What a headline. And what a wanker! Read via Huffington Post below to find out why Jason Vickery gets the honor of ‘Masturbator of the Year … so far’
“If you’re at home and hear a mysterious “fapfapfap” noise, it might be a helicopter outside — or it might be this guy.
Jason Lee Vickery, 23, broke into a home in St. Augustine, Fla. Wednesday and was about to masturbate when he got distracted by a green remote-controlled helicopter, according to a St. Johns County Sheriff’s report obtained by HuffPost Weird News.
Vickery sought out the toy’s batteries and flew the helicopter for a while, “thus depriving the owner of the item” and its battery life, the report states.
At some point while inside the home, he ate a salad he happened to have with him, investigators told Action News Jax.
After getting his fill of leafy greens, Vickery allegedly masturbated in the bathroom on the second floor, but stopped and went to the backyard because he heard voices coming from outside.
The voices belonged to deputies, who arrested him. Officials say they confiscated a bag of marijuana, as well as other drug paraphernalia, a pouch of chewing tobacco, a towel and a wig.”
What a night! Just to recap:
- He broke into a house
- Played with a remote control helicopter
- He ate a salad (he happened to have with him!?)
- Jerked off
All while lugging weed, a towel and wig around. We can probably guess what the towel was for .. but the wig and the salad? A literal ‘tossed’ salad? Or maybe Jason likes to add a little Vickery dressing to his ‘leafy greens’?