So where do guys masturbate? The quicker answer would be ‘where don’t men masturbate’? Pretty much anywhere, any time a guy is left alone with time on his hands, he’ll consider rubbing one out. The most common places for guys are in the shower or in bed. The shower offers a quick cleanup, and bed offers comfort and possibly the warmth and loving glow of a laptop screen and your hidden favourites folder. If you’re a female reading this be aware that when you tell a guy you’re going out, the first thought he has is ‘how long should I wait to start masturbating, and how long do I have?’
Back in high school, I knew a guy who told the most absurd masturbation stories. He’d masturbate almost anywhere and then brag about it. Cinemas, restaurant bathrooms, friends houses, the cemetery, the beach. Anywhere! He told us once he’d jerked off in class by throwing his jacket over his lap and lifting one leg up on the chair to make crotch tent.
Most guys probably have a fairly standard time of day and frequency for a masturbatory routine. But every now and then when the mood strikes, even the straightest arrow will rub one out somewhere unusual.
Take Glamour’s Guy Survey for instance which revealed some of the top spots men take care of business outside of the house.
At work: 31%
While visiting my parents’ house: 31%
At a party: 10%
While driving: 24%
We’re all for rubbing one out (we built a whole website about it), and we may admit to having done most of those and more, but we draw the line at rubbing one out at the folks place when we stop by for a Sunday roast. 3 out of 10 guys get so turned on visiting their folks, they can’t at least wait to get back on the road home before shooting some goo?
Travel wanks are also very popular. There’s an official statistic that 11% of all men under 30 admit to having masturbated while driving. Which means most men don’t get bored enough with the simple act of driving a vehicle until they are post 30.
But think about this; you’re driving home, it’s late, you’re blasting some sick Katy Perry tunes to stay awake and stay alive and the guy careering towards you from the opposite direction at 90MPH is about to lose his load, concentration and possibly control of his vehicle.
We’ve tried travel wanking. Many times. All in the name of research of course. It’s all fun and games until the moment you’re about to blow and you realise you don’t want to coat your dash – or if you’re a piss weak spitter, your clothing – with a sticky mess. Suddenly you’re concentrating on anything but the road. Our advice for travel wanking: be prepared. Always have a towel handy. If anyone asks, it’s your gym towel.
On the other hand we wholeheartedly approve of jerkin it at work. Sitting in a toilet cubicle rubbing one out, trying to work out exactly how much you’re currently being paid to beat it is just the best.
The survey also revealed what men are most self conscious about when it comes to getting naked in front of a sexual partner for the first time. So what are we most worried about?
My stomach: 33%
My penis size: 18%
My hair: 7%
My birthmarks or scars: 4%
I don’t think about me—I’m looking at her: 38%
For the 38% of non self conscious guys who are only looking at her, don’t worry – she’s judging your small pecker and tubby gut plenty.
For a whole host of new ideas, and an insight into just where you rate as far as odd locations for masturbating are concerned, head over to this thread at reddit – see you’re more normal than you thought you were!