What do we mean ‘how to masturbate’? Why would you need any tips when you’ve been doing this for years right? Because you get lazy! At this point you and your penis are like an old married couple. Instead of being excited about a quick shuffle under the sheets, you do it out of duty. Trying a new masturbation technique is like losing your masturbatory virginity all over again. It’s the ‘new girlfriend’ of solo stimulation persuit. You don’t look at exactly the same porn clip each time you pull your pud do you? Didn’t think so. Or maybe you do you boring bastard! Try some new moves and you might surprise yourself how different it can be.
How To Masturbate: 5 basic techniques
The Fist – When most men think of how to masturbate, this is likely the only technique they use, if you’re already well practiced in this, move onto the next one. If not, grab that thing and hold onto it like someone’s trying to steal it. What are you doing still reading this? If you’ve never choked that turkey before, you’re missing out.
Place the shaft in your palm and fully wrap your hand right around the shaft using all fingers. Now move your hand up and down the shaft, either gently moving your skin back and forth, or sliding your hand up and down the penis. Go to town. If you’re circumcised, you might want to spit on it first. Saliva is the #1 most accessible and popular natural lube of all time, as voted by men since forever.
The Backhander – Likely the last time you received a backhander, it was across the face from your father for being sassy.
This backhander is a lot more pleasant. Similar to the standard ‘Fist’, but instead of an underhand grip you have your palm on the top facing down with your thumb underneath the shaft. In other words, flip that fist and go to town. Note for newbies: not to actual town. Masturbating in public is generally frowned upon.
The ‘OK’ – Use only your index finger and thumb to wrap around the shaft forming a ring. Same action as The Fist but far less contact. A little less hands on for the more sensitive among us. You can use either the overhand or underhand position for this one. Be adventurous, mix it up.
The Edward Scissorhands – No, Johnny Depp isn’t going to give you a hand with this one.
Make a scissor shape with your index and middle finger (The same two fingers you use when some putz cuts you off in traffic). The palm of your hand should be facing your body. Now the middle finger goes underneath on the most sensitive area while the index finger gives traction.
This technique is also known as the Prince William, after PW was photographed holding his penis like this to piss at a polo match. Fancy!
The Cigar – Sometimes called The Hook. This one is a bit more tricky, but if you’re looking for variety give it a shot. Make a tight fist, but stick your index finger out in a hook shape and wrap that one around yourself. A variation on this is The Underhook, which will give more friction to the underside.
So now you know the basic techniques of how to masturbate and we hope you’ve found something there to keep you occupied the next time your girlfriend leaves the house for 5 minutes to pop down to the store. More masturbation techniques to come, and as always, feel free to send us your favourites. And if you’d like to move up a level or two, learn how to masturbate with your balls HERE, and find the male G-Spot HERE.