Why you should never make your bed
from Dollar Photo Club

Another victory for lazy males for whom ‘making the bed’ ranks about as highly on the list of daily priorities as another unmissable episode of Ellen and her ‘too hot for clubs’ dancing.

Finally a legitimate reason to never have to make your bed again!

Note: not making your bed does NOT mean not changing your sheets. There’s still only so many times you can dry that wet patch out before it starts to get so hard you need to beat it out with a hammer.

As scientists who we shall not argue with have discovered, leaving your bed unmade is actually healthier for you and anyone you’re fortunate enough to be sharing it with.

But ‘Why?’ she asks, when you tell her that ‘no’ you won’t be making the bed today.
‘Dust mites!’ is what you’ll tell her. These creepy crawly bastards are massing in your bed and the feces they leave behind in the bed ‘can irritate dust allergies and cause illness such as asthma when inhaled.’

Why you should never make your bed
Millions of these bastards are eating and shitting in your bed. (dollar photo club)

That’s right, these tiny jerks are shitting in your bed! An activity that should be reserved exclusively for yourself when you get so drunk you shit yourself in your sleep.

‘It is estimated as many as 1.5million microscopic mites are crawling around in the average bed, feeding off shed skin cells on our sheets.’

How much skin could there possibly be for these guys to feed off? Plenty. During the night when we sweat and move around, we shed flakes of skin and dampen the bed creating the perfect environment for these critters to feast and multiply.

In the morning, the normal routine is to get rejected for morning sex/rub one out and pull up the sheets to make the bed. But, pulling up the sheets first thing in the morning actually traps all the dead skin and sweat in the bed helping fuel the mites breeding ground.

So, here’s where you get out of ever having to make the bed again: leaving the bed unmade exposes the mites to fresh dry air and light. Things they do NOT love!

“We know that mites can only survive by taking in water from the atmosphere using small glands on the outside of their body,” Dr. Stephen Pretlove of Kingston University’s School of Architecture said.

“Something as simple as leaving a bed unmade during the day can remove moisture from the sheets and mattress so the mites will dehydrate and eventually die.”

Therefore, experts recommend leaving your bed unmade for the entire day, and making it when you get home later instead. By that point, a large number of the mites will have died and you can spend more time thinking about why you’re all alone than the discomfort of knowing you have 1.5 million unwanted guests humping and snacking in your bed.

So, thanks again to science, there’s one less thing we have to do in the morning.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here