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SO .. there’s a world champion masturbator, and .. it’s not you! In 2009, Masanobu Sato broke his own record by masturbating for an impressive 9 hours and 58 minutes at the Masturbate-a-thon, in San Francisco (of course). His previous record was 9 hours and 33 minutes. In one day. So no matter how often you are masturbating you can feel safe in the knowledge that there is someone doing it more often than you. Unless you’re doing it more. In that case, seek help! Or enter the Masturbate-a-thon next year and show everyone your stuff.

PS. He has a girlfriend. And she’s cool with it. BEST. GIRLFRIEND. EVER!