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How long should sex last?

If you’ve just finished bumping uglies with your girlfriend, and by ‘finished’ we mean you ejaculated, and you’re wondering what that disappointed look on her face is it might be time to ask yourself “how long should sex last?”. On the flip side, you could still be pumping away while she’s looking at the clock and reaching for another bottle of lube to keep things from getting drier than Death Valley.

So how long is sex supposed to last?

There are a number of variables when it comes to the length of any sexual engagement. How long and what did foreplay include? How close to coming were the participants before insertion? How long has it been since your previous ejaculation? etc. But one study has attempted to roughly identify the average length of sex for couples by having 500 couples from all over the world time their lovemaking, or ‘rooting’ for you heathens, with stopwatches. The lucky couples pushed ‘start’ at penile insertion and ‘stop’ as soon as the male participant blew his wad. We can assume the female participant was in charge of the stopwatch because there’s not a man on the planet who wouldn’t crush that timer with his fist when he blew.

NOTE: Sorry ladies – this study doesn’t take into consideration when you’re done. Much like most males. The study concerns time until male ejaculation from the moment the penis enters the vagina, because when we’re done.. you’re done too whether you like it or not.

So what do the results say?

Not surprisingly there was a massive amount of variation in the average time taken. Times ranged from a hamster-like time of 33 seconds all the way up to 44 minutes. That’s 44 minutes of solid thrusting! Whoever the 44 minutes belonged to wanted to make damn sure there was no vagina left for whoever came next.

What that tells us is that there is no ‘normal’ length of sexual intercourse, but if we take the median time across all those who participated – the average length of time to have sex is 5.4 minutes. So if you’re anywhere in the vicinity of 3-5 minutes you’re probably doing just fine. Of course if you’re doing things fairly you’ll have taken care of your partner good and proper before you start jack hammering away in your sprint to the finish.

There were also a number of other interesting findings from the study:

Do circumcised guys last longer at sex?

One minor bragging right for men who are circumcised has long been that due to decreased sensitivity compared to intact men they would last longer at sex. But what the study found was that there was little to no difference in time taken for men who were circumcised vs those who still sported a healthy wizards sleeve.

The study also noted that intercourse length wasn’t affected in any significant way by condom use either.

Which countries last the longest at sex?

It appears that the average time for sex is pretty much the same for most countries. Unless you come from Turkey, in which case the average time was quite a bit shorter at 3.7 minutes. So if you’re a lady who likes it over and done with in a timely fashion you might want to try picking up men at the same place you order your Kebabs.

Do young men or older men last longer?

One surprising finding was that the older the couple the shorter the sex tended to last. Who spread the rumor that older guys last longer then? Probably old guys.

Why does human sex last so long?

If you’re into evolutionary reasoning, you might wonder; Why does sex need to last that long anyway if it’s just for procreation? Aside from the fact it’s awesome. Why not just pop your penis in, ejaculate and get back to arguing with strangers on the internet?

Science has tried to answer this question by looking at the way the penis is shaped. Using artificial vaginas and penises and corn syrup – which has the consistency of sperm – researchers found that the ridge around the head of the penis actually scooped out any pre-existing corn syrup from the vagina. This suggests the repeated thrusting of the male penis into the vagina actually helps to displace and remove any semen that may already be in the vagina. And exactly why would you want to scoop some other dudes swimmers out of there? To help your own sperm reach the egg first, therefore giving yourself the best chance of producing offspring. This could also explain why your penis becomes hypersensitive after ejaculation and becomes flaccid quickly, to prevent you scooping your own semen out. See, God thought of everything!