It’s generally agreed that Hitler was a giant dick. But one of the reasons he had such a massive Napoleon complex may have been rooted in the fact that his dick was anything but giant.
In a new book titled Hitler’s Last Day: Minute by Minute, historians Jonathan Mayo and Emma Craigie have revealed medical records which show Hitler had a number of issues with his tackle:
Cryptorchidism – Which is a common birth defect affecting bout 3% of full-term and 30% of premature infant boys, where they are born with at least one undescended testicle.
Hypospadius – a condition where the meatus (pee hole) opens on the underside of the penis instead of the tip. In hypospadius the opening may appear anywhere from just under the glans, or halfway down the shaft to extreme cases where the opening is at the base of the penis or even in the scrotum. The condition affects around 1 in 200 boys.
and Micropenis – a very tiny penis. No explanation necessary.
That’s quite the grab bag of genital deformities and it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.
The findings add weight to the rumors Hitler had a fear of people seeing him naked. It also adds to the debate about Hitlers sex life, which according to many historians was pretty much non existent despite the fact he was a major hit with the ladies. The Nazi’s even had a special department set up whose sole job was dealing with fan mail sent by sexed up female fans who wanted a ride on his toothbrush ‘stache.
Hitler was so anti sex, historians had previously ascribed the aversion to not wanting to catch any of those nasty sex diseases any normal red blooded male wears as a post weekend badge of honor. Hitler’s doctor, Theodor Morell was even said to have had to prescribe him with hormones and amphetamines in an attempt to get him to bone.
In any case, along with being the gold standard for megalomaniacal assholes, he’s now also the poster boy for angry men with tiny dicks. If only he’d driven a red convertible. There’s even a legendarily jaunty song penned to the tune of the Colonel Bogey March, (Ricky Gervais standup fans will be familiar with it) written for the British council in 1939 and used to raise morale in war times that goes as follows:
“Hitler has only got one ball, Goring has two but very small, Himmler has something similar but Goebbels has no balls at all.”
Listen below – fast forward to 40 seconds.