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Your girlfriend is probably going to find this a little ‘hard to swallow’, but taking a regular load of your semen will improve her health, help her sleep better and leave her feeling happier.

Before your girlfriend calls ‘bullshit’ on you, hit her with the bona fide facts according to a study by the State University of New York. That’s right, men have once again used funding, resources and time that could be spent curing any of the hundreds of diseases that are waiting to kill us off at any moment, to figure out how we can get more blowjobs and use less condoms.

Studying the sex lives of 293 females and comparing the results with their mental health, the research suggests that women who are sexually active but do NOT use protection are measurably happier versus women who are either sexually abstinent or sexually active but using protection.The conclusion being that increased happiness is likely directly related the the amount of semen in their body.

But why?

Well, your baby batter is choc full of more chemicals than Charlie Sheen, chemicals that help to increase mood and affection, induce sleep, aid concentration and also contains at least three anti-depressants.

Semen contains ‘loads’ of good stuff including:

  • Serotonin – the best known antidepressant nerotransmitter
  • Cortisol – known to increase affection
  • Estrone and Oxytocin – mood elevators
  • Thyrotropin-releasing hormone –  antidepressant
  • Melatonin – sleep-inducing agent

And that is just a shortened list of the incredible mind altering chemicals found in each and every one of your wads. And to think, most of that precious superfood ends up in socks and tissue paper. It’s almost a crime.
So next time your girlfriend is wandering around acting like a sad sack, or whining that she can’t get to sleep, unzip the medicine cabinet and give her a spoonful of what’s good for her! Nobody likes taking medicine, but sometimes you’ve got to open wide and take 1-20 minutes or so of unpleasantness if you want to feel better. You do want to feel better don’t you girls?

Note: Any girl worth her salt will probably fire back with ‘why don’t you eat it then?’. Just point her to this highly scientific study by Tugger:

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